June 1st, 2003


Hello, I'm calling home...

Oh, I get it. It all makes sense now. Sometimes I wish that people would just be more upfront about things. Ironic that this message itself is fairly vague. Just for clarification, this message has nothing to do with tonight.

As for things that do have to do with tonight, I spent the evening hanging out with two fine fellows that I don't see often enough, ironmaus and toddv. We got chinese food and played Sega Soccer Slam until the wee hours of the morning. I enjoy the presense of others. It makes me feel better.

Some thoughts going through my head.
Sometimes, I really want to email someone or chat with someone online, but I don't. I'm not really sure why, but I tend to feel uncomfortable making conversation with someone when I have nothing to say in particular. I don't mind creating conversation, but unless I feel like I have purpose in my conversation, I tend to avoid actually saying anything. This echos to real life too. I think it's one of the big reasons why I have a hard time meeting new people.

I've fallen into this strange rut of loneliness. I talked about it in my last post, but it's still here and bothering me so it really should be mentioned again. It's funny. When I'm depressed and lonely, I tend to actually write more in the journal. It's not because writing makes me feel any better, because it doesn't. Maybe it's because I know people will read this? I'm just not sure.
  • Current Music
    David Poe

It's his latest disaster

I'm all out of cookie joys. Trader Joe's should sell costco size bags of the fuckers.
There is a cat fight outside. And there, I just heard screeching car tires. I love the raw madness of the city.
I really could use a cigarette right now, but I ran out last night. If I stay up any longer tonight, I will force myself to walk to a 24 hour store to buy some more. I really should just hold off and buy some tomorrow when I stop for gas on the way to work.
I'm feeling a little bit hungry. I only ate one meal today, but with it being close to time to sleep (or is that past time to sleep) I really should ignore the hungry. This really goes back to either wishing I had more cookie joys to eat or a cigarette to smoke. Either would solve this problem.

I hate having regrets about things, but I tend to end up with them wherever I go. I really don't like being the "nice guy" because I tend to get ignored, but if I'm a jerk or an asshole then I feel bad about the things I do. None of this shit ever seems to pay off.

Everything is related.