The Greatest Fucking Genius of All Time (patrick) wrote,
The Greatest Fucking Genius of All Time

So I finished watching 'American History X'. It got me thinking.

I haven't really just sat and thought about my life. I don't seem to do that very often. The problem is that I don't do that. I feel that my life is one-dimentional. There is so many things that I could improve.

I live my life in this sort of psuedo happiness. never really trying to imprve it. It's full of quotes and activities, but is there very really time for who i am? I don't feel that there is. I live my life through others, and through pop culture. It's nice, not thinking about it. it's nice not thinking about what's important. But I think that I should change that.

I could exercise. I could read more. I could do more homework. I could push myself more. There is happiness in that. Sure it's nice not thinking about things, and then you get so use to it, that it seems too hard to do anything else. Instead, I play games, I hang out with people, i do the same things over and over again. Why is that?

Why is the desire there, but the will not? It makes me sad to actually look at my life and see a lack of self inprovement. Sure I got a new job, but what else am I doing? What can I do to make my life better? I need more self control. Look at what I do now. There is some socializing, some sex, some work. That's not life. I must change some things. I seem to be all talk. I don't want that anymore. I want to be better.

I'm too lazy. That is not a good thing. The want is there, why can't the will be there too?

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