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I smile too much, apparently. Many people have complained to me about that in the past month or two. "Why are you smiling? What are you so happy about?"

My self confidence is all confused. I am swinging back and forth from completely sure of who I am and what I want to a confused mess who doesn't know anything about getting what he wants. Wild mood swings have been defining my life. It's not fun.

My insomnia doesn't look like it's going away. I think this is somewhat related to my self esteem, though. Self confidence helps me sleep, apparently.

I miss human contact a lot. I have forgotten how good kissing can be, and the things beyond kissing too. I have been really horny lately and I need to get laid. This is also related to the whole self confidence thing.

I like cutting my own hair. It's easy, quick and cheap.

Bettering myself has never been so difficult.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
littleloo
Sep. 27th, 2004 09:00 pm (UTC)
me and ashley should dye your hair.
really, pat, there's nothing to better a bad mood then a brand new doo!
-aLexis
patrick
Sep. 27th, 2004 10:17 pm (UTC)
I hacked off a lot of my hair this morning. It did feel great, that's for sure.
tyrven
Sep. 28th, 2004 01:40 pm (UTC)
I have noticed that you smile a lot. It's something I've always appreciated about you. It seems like you find amusement in life and don't take it too seriously. In my book, that's a good thing.

As for knowing who you are: there is this myth that people go through an identity crisis in their early twenties, define themselves and then are established. If this were true, we'd never had mid-life crisises. I go through a mini-identity crisis every four years or so where I reevaluate where I'm going and how I'm approaching it and how that impacts how I relate to the world. I think that's healthy. Minor (and continual) adjustments in place of stubborn clinging to a single identity and then tearing it apart from the ground up every quarter century.

I tend not to sleep when I'm anxious or preoccupied. I used Xanax to help with that but then realized there was a purpose and benefit to my thought-filled evenings reevaluating life circumstances. Sometimes, at least. Other times I was just spinning my wheels.

Your hair looks good.
patrick
Sep. 28th, 2004 05:22 pm (UTC)
I'm very happy with my hair cut. Maybe I should start cutting other people's hair.
I don't know why I smile as much as I do. It comes out when I'm having a good time, and I'm always pushing for good times so it's always coming out. I have had at least 5 different girls ask me why I smile so much and almost seemed to take offense to it. It confused me why it would matter to any of them.

I'm going through my own mid life crisis for sure. You would think that would stop me from smiling so much, but it doesn't. Although, I think I get lost in the moment and forget my worries and then I don't care about what's going on outside of the situation that I'm in.

As I've gotten older and my sleeping problems have remained somewhat consistant, I think I've learned what bugs me enough to keep me awake. It's very much a state of mind type of thing, which of course makes sense. I just recently have been feeling quite underwhelmed and it's depressing me.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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patrick
The Greatest Fucking Genius of All Time

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