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Mental Roadblock

I'm not making anything happen. I'm at a point where it feels better to
just fall to the wayside instead. I'm stuck and I don't know how to break
free.
i'm such a fuck
i feel like i'm falling apart.
i need help, but i don't know where to turn to. I hate to ask for it.
I keep on writing memos at work here and I want to swear. Lots. fuck fuck
fuck
This weekend, I'm leaving for Idaho until monday. I still have to pack.
I ate a poptart for dinner, and a glass of water

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
goldfischegirl
Jul. 8th, 2004 08:26 pm (UTC)
patrick we need to hang out and have a good talk.
you need support from your friends to stay on the right track and keep a good attitude. we are here for teh patr0ck!
snowgddess
Jul. 8th, 2004 09:26 pm (UTC)
i concur with teh ashelymeister
patrick
Jul. 9th, 2004 03:20 am (UTC)
i concur with teh erinmeister
patrick
Jul. 9th, 2004 03:20 am (UTC)
ah, thanks ashley. That means lots.

Next week, I'm going to hang with you, for realz
(Deleted comment)
patrick
Jul. 9th, 2004 03:19 am (UTC)
<3<3<3

We need to make it happen.
llarian
Jul. 8th, 2004 09:39 pm (UTC)
Since I've already quoted this once today...

Sometimes, you need to stand up and say, "These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
patrick
Jul. 9th, 2004 03:19 am (UTC)
Do I get to drink from the firehose?
Stanley is my hero.
ayustar
Jul. 9th, 2004 12:44 am (UTC)
I know I don't know you that well, and I know I don't know your situation. But, I mean I might as well lend some help or at least try to.

For me, I have a hard time getting things started, like to move forward. I know I need to get my highschool diploma, I want to get it. I want to go to college. I am horrified to do it. I want to, but how to move forward and actually do it. Once you start it's the thought of "What is this is wrong, can I pull myself out?" thing. I am scared to death. I am not sure if that is your same problem, but getting things started and doing what is right is the hardest thing.

It's that weird fluttering in your stomach and chest that gets me when I know I am not doing anything with my life and myself. Where are we going in this life. Why are we here, am I fucking everything up? That's why I get really scared. I am not leader, I am a follower who has dependancy issues. I want to do things for myself, but I get so scared and confused. I hate it.

But I am just saying, there are people out there who feel the same way you do (me.) But if we get confidence and are able to push ourselves aside for a moment and do what is right, then I think we will all be ok. Just hang in there.

I know it is none of my business, but it is the way I have felt for sometime now.
patrick
Jul. 9th, 2004 03:18 am (UTC)
Your input is always welcome
Thanks for your comments. It's nice to know that other people go through the same things. Sometimes getting reassured is helpful.

Schooling is a big roadblock for me. I made it through high school, but college hasn't been my cup of tea. I enjoy learning, but I hate classrooms and grades.

I have always found that it's easy to say "I'm going to turn myself around and take control of my actions and my life", but it's not easy to do. It's one of the hardest things ever. It always feels like it's one step forward and two steps back.

Support from others always helps, though.

PS
I've added you back.
llarian
Jul. 9th, 2004 03:25 am (UTC)
Re: Your input is always welcome
It usually is one step forward and two back. Its the old turtle climing a wall problem, but its still some forward motion, that's the important part.

Excepting that you have to get over the fact that you're never as far ahead as you want to be.
ayustar
Jul. 9th, 2004 05:24 pm (UTC)
Re: Your input is always welcome
For sure. It is easier to say thing than it is to do them. If your in college your a few steps ahead of me. I wish I could have finished highschool when I should have!! Dammit!! Men make your mind melt sometimes and you do dumb things! lol.There I go blaming someone else lol.

I want to go to college. I always swore I wouldn't. God, I see it as being fun. Other than grades and well classrooms. So I can agree with you.

I wish there was a pill for motivation. I think we need it. Lol. I think sometimes we just need another person to take us by the shoulders, shake us and we can realize what we need to do and stick with it. You know?
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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